Spouse #1: Honey, this
coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this
morning.
________________________________________
What do you call a cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated!
________________________________________ "I want
you to drink a cup of hot water every morning," prescribed
the doctor. "You gotta be kidding, doc," I've been
doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee".
________________________________________
I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining
about how coffee made him nervous. I said why don't you quit
drinking coffee. He said, "because if I didn't have the
shakes I wouldn't get any exercise at all."
________________________________________
This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: "How
much is the coffee?" "Coffee is three dollars the
waitress said". "How much is a refill?" the man
asked. "Free"!!!!! said the waitress. "Then I'll
take a refill"!!!!!.
________________________________________
A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned
forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey,
I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my
left breast just burns and burns." He said "I'm gonna
help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache,
I'll rub your back for the backache, and if you'll sit up and
get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"
________________________________________
Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea? Waiter:
What does it taste like? Customer: It tastes like gasoline!
Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes
like turpentine.
________________________________________
What's fat and drinks a lot of coffee? ----------Java the Hut
________________________________________
I have heard that if your wife/husband makes bad coffee, that
is grounds for divorce.
________________________________________
While traveling our family stopped in al restaurant for a brief
respite while driving. My father ordered 2 cups of coffee for
he and my mother. My mother after tasting the coffee looked
at my father and they each grimaced at each other. Looking around,
my father noticed a sign above the back corner which said, "Don't
knock our coffee, you may be old and weak yourself sometime."
________________________________________
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning....... I reply----No,
I just bring her some coffee !!!
________________________________________
A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I
drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,"
the psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the
spoon out?"
________________________________________
I'm sure all coffee beans are juvenile. They're always getting
grounded!
________________________________________ Why Coffee Is Better Than Men
A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
You can always warm coffee up.
Coffee comes with endless refills.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when
you get back.
You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have
a cup.
